Zero Emotion
by DearYouFromMe
Summary: All humans fall prey to their emotions, even the greatest of leaders. A restless Kallen aboard the Ikaruga discovers just that. One-shot. KallenXLelouch


Chapter 1 - Inner Demons

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Aboard the _Ikaruga_ , Kallen was wandering about. It was late at night, well past the time where a sensible person would be asleep, yet Kallen's mind was wandering far too much for her to find solace in her bed. The events of the past couple of days were finally catching up to her. So, she walked through the hallways of the sleeping ship, and thought about everything that had happened.

Yesterday's attack was successful, yet it came with a heavy price. When victory had been theirs, the _Avalon_ had launched a devastating weapon upon Tokyo and destroyed a huge portion of the city. After the bomb had gone off, both sides immediately called for a ceasefire. _Damn those Britannians_ , Kallen thought as she brushed her striking red hair from her face. _They always have to have the last laugh_. Many lives had been lost during that attack, many of them being her fellow Black Nights. So, as she stalked the empty corridors of the _Ikaruga_ , Kallen swore vengeance upon the Holy Empire of Britannia.

Vengeance for Naoto. Vengeance for her mother. Vengeance for her comrades. Vengeance for all those who had lost their lives due to the power-hungry and cruel Britannians. Kallen's normally beautiful face twisted into something akin to a snarl, her anger towards the so-called Holy Nation arising once more.

 _However_ , she thought, _it did bring me a couple good things_. While she had hated it at first, Kallen had greatly enjoyed the time she spent at Ashford Academy. The Student Council had given her many reasons to enjoy her time there. There was Milly, the bold and well-endowed blonde who had always gone out of her way to create events that could be enjoyed by everyone. Rivalz, the resident blue haired jokester and slacker, but had always been upbeat and reliable. Nina, the shy yet xenophobic girl with green hair who had the brains and potential of a genius. Shirley, with orange hair to match her unfailing sense of positivity and athleticism which, even now, enticed feelings of jealousy within Kallen.

Lelouch...now there were a million words she could say about him. There were so many words she could use to describe him. Idiot, prick, stuck up, and insensitive came up instantly. Yet at the same time, he was caring, compassionate, inspiring, and a true leader. _Very handsome too_ , Kallen thought. Realizing this, she blushed slightly before shaking her head to dismiss whatever brought that in to her mind. Kallen continued to walk once more, but she couldn't deny that Lelouch, while insensitive and out of shape, was a very handsome man.

Many things came to Kallen's mind when she thought of Lelouch Lamperouge, but she agreed that he was a complete mystery. Yet, it was one that she wanted to solve. It was one that she wanted to understand, the mystery of the man behind the mask. As Zero, he was inspiring and ruthless, a true leader who simply demanded to be obeyed. The masked man brought with him an amazing intellect and the promise of victory, which had lead Kallen along the path which she took now. Conversely, Lelouch Lamperouge was kind, gentle, and helpful. Even though he might have been cold, Lelouch was always caring for his younger sister and helping those around him. Yet even so, Kallen felt as if she didn't know him at all.

Yet now the Student Council was taken away from her, just like Britannia had claimed the lives of the innocent, it had now claimed one of the few things that made her feel at peace. Shirley had passed on, which had saddened Kallen greatly, but unfortunately there was nothing she could do to change it. Nina had disappeared, presumably somewhere in mainland Britannia. As she thought about what she had lost, Kallen's anger rose once more. _I will help Zero destroy Britannia_ , Kallen promised, _I swear on it_. Zero would be there to stop the tyranny that had threatened the lives of many.

Speaking of Zero, or Lelouch, Kallen hadn't seen the man since the Black Knights claimed victory in Tokyo. When the surviving Black Knights returned to the ship to regroup and recover, she had not seen Zero among them. Kallen knew that he was alive, as he had sent messages to Tohdoh and Rolo, but nobody had seen him in person. It was troubling, but Kallen was sure that he would be alright. After all, Zero had led them this far. He could not afford to stop now.

The hallways were still quiet. Everybody had fallen asleep early due to their exhaustion, but they all deserved it after the trying battle. Kallen continued walking, lost in thoughts of despair, of pain, but deep down, of hope. Hope for the future, hope for her family, and hope for a brighter tomorrow. Kallen smiled amidst the dark corridors, because she would do her best to create a brighter future.

Sadly, her smile vanished almost as quickly as it came when she stepped on something and slipped, crashing to the ground. "Ugh..." she groaned in pain. Kallen slowly got up and held on to her arm, wincing in pain as she did so. Looking around, she found the offending object, which turned out to be a candy wrapper. With further inspection, Kallen discovered that it was one of those candies that Tamaki was so fond of.

 _Damn it Tamaki! Littering all over the damn ship when there are trashcans everywhere!_ She picked up the garbage and found a trashcan to throw it away. As Kallen did so, she realized that she had wandered far from her quarters. Her room, along with many other of the womens', was along the east end of the ship. She was now on the northern end. The northern section of the quarters only had one real occupant, Lelouch and by extension, C.C. At least here Kallen could have a conversation with the teasing witch.

She gathered herself and continued her journey through the depths of the _Ikaruga_. However, when she passed by the double doors with the label "Zero" beside them, she couldn't help but stop. Kallen was close enough to the doors that she could hear slight noises behind them. A million thoughts raced through her mind. What was going on? Was he okay?

It couldn't have been an intruder or the sounds coming from within would have been a lot louder. _Could Lelouch and C.C. be...?_ Kallen blushed hard at the thought of those two together, and she did her best to not let her jealousy affect her actions. Surely C.C. wouldn't make a move on him, not after such a tiring battle. Slowly, Kallen's curiosity got the better of her, and she pressed her ear to his door. However, her eyes widened in surprise as she heard something she didn't expect.

He was sobbing.

Zero, her leader, the man that she had chosen to follow, to protect, was sobbing. From what Kallen could hear, he was absolutely crying his eyes out. She was paralyzed from shock and was unable to do anything but listen to the man she admired cry. Behind Kallen, a pair of golden eyes and striking green hair observed her silently, but she didn't notice.

"I couldn't save her..." she heard from behind his door. "I couldn't save her..." he repeated. Over and over again. His sobbing was occasionally interrupted by the sounds of drinking. Kallen could only assume that he was drowning. Lelouch was drowning in his despair and drowning in however many bottles of alcohol he had in his room.

Whenever he repeated himself, Kallen winced. In pain, yes, but pain for him. She knew that Lelouch would never want her to pity him, but she felt his pain just as much as he did. She knew the feeling of losing a loved one. But now he had lost the person who had been his motivation. Kallen knew that Nunnally meant everything to him, and now he felt the pain of being without her.

His sobs decreased to short gasps, each one heavy and filled with grief. It was then that Kallen put her hand on the passcode lock located just beside the door, but hesitated in entering anything. She was plagued by indecision, and ran her hands through her hair in an effort to calm herself down. She didn't want to barge in and make a scene. Kallen wanted Lelouch to trust her, and she knew that he would never want her to see him in the state that was in now. So she brought her hand back and remained by the door.

After what seemed like an eternity, his gasps of anguish slowly grew to a halt. Kallen pressed her ear harder against the doorway. She could only hear the sound of heavy breathing. It had seemed that Lelouch had passed out to the combination of a late night and large amounts of alcohol. Kallen slowly reached out to the lock and entered the password.

The doorway slid open silently and revealed Lelouch's room, which was covered in darkness. The only source of light came from the open door. From this, Kallen could see him sleeping upon a table, a bottle of unknown beer in his hands and his Zero costume still on. His mask, she assumed, was probably tossed somewhere else in the dark room. She was glad that the room was dark enough that she couldn't see much. Kallen was unsure if she wanted to see the rest of the room after what she had heard.

He lay there, light streaming upon his pale face. While he was asleep, Kallen could see that he was at peace, much unlike the state he was in minutes ago. His lips parted every so often so that he could breathe, and she found him to be so...beautiful. Yes, it was odd to describe him as such, but there was no other word for it. Lelouch Lamperouge was beautiful.

With a small sigh, Kallen pried the bottle from his hand and placed it away. She then removed his cape and threw it aside, knowing that he probably wouldn't care in the morning. She then leaned over him and grabbed his shoulders gently. Slowly and carefully, she half carried, half dragged him to his bed and placed him beside it.

With some effort, she managed to lift him up on roll him on to the center of the bed. For someone who was rather skinny, Lelouch was heavier than Kallen expected him to be. She then grabbed the blanket and gently, almost lovingly, placed it upon him, covering his slender frame. He turned then, and Kallen stopped, worrying that he might have awoken. But to her relief, he simply muttered something unintelligible and went back to sleep.

Kallen looked at him once more and saw, instead of the mask of a revolutionary, a kind man who only wanted the best for his sister. She didn't see a murderer, she saw a man driven by determination to find justice. She saw a man who was willing to do anything to make sure that the world became a kind place. No, Lelouch did not deserve this. _He doesn't deserve to feel this pain_ , Kallen thought.

So she looked at him with nothing but admiration and devotion. Kallen reached her hand out slowly and placed it upon his cheek, caressing him gently. She leaned down slowly until their noses almost touched and parted her lips softly.

"I love you, Lelouch."

After, she reluctantly moved away. Kallen slowly began to walk to the open door once more until she heard a noise behind her. "...Kallen..." he whispered in a tone so sleepy it might have been adorable. Her breath hitched as she heard him, not knowing if he was awake the whole time for not.

Her worries were eased when he said nothing more after so Kallen assumed that he had fallen asleep. Even still, it was nice knowing that he thought about her, even in his dreams. Kallen could feel a shiver run through her body knowing that she was important to _him_ , Lelouch, and that he cared about her.

As the shiver passed through her, she finally realized how utterly exhausted she was. The last couple of days were finally taking their toll on her and Kallen wanted nothing more to do than sleep. So, she made her leave. However, just as she reached the door Kallen paused.

She turned to look back at him once more and she could see the way his dark hair spilled over his sculpted face. She could see the way his gentle lips that inspired her move around ever so slightly. She looked at his eyelids, which contained the most beautiful pair of eyes she had ever seen. Kallen looked at Lelouch and smiled softly, because with him, there was nothing that they couldn't do.

With that final, genuine smile, Kallen left the room. As darkness descended upon his chambers once more, Lelouch vi Britannia's lips curled in to a tiny smile. With her, everything would be alright. With her by his side, he would become okay.

Everything would be alright.

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 **Author's Note**

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed! This takes places between episodes 18 and 19 of R2. I wanted to make something with more emotion, because while the series portrays Lelouch as something kind of cold. I know that yes, in those two episodes he was pretty emotional, but I wanted to go a bit further than that. The thoughts that drive Lelouch have always been interesting, so I wanted to have my take on it.

From those who have come from my previous pokemon fanfiction, welcome! I hope that you are enjoying a differently style of writing from my previous works. As you can see, there's a lot more detail and time spent on inner thoughts and descriptions. In contrast to _Surprise Visit_ , which was primarily dialogue. Speaking of those works, I think I'm going to go back and revise those soon.

When it comes to fanfiction, I've kind of burned myself out lately. There are a lot less stories that I've been reading lately, and I haven't found motivation to actually write something in a while. As for the large project that I was thinking of, I am most likely going to give up on that. It's simply too much time and effort that I do not have on my hands.

Personal stuff has been getting in the way as well, as graduation is coming up soon and I need to devote more time in to school work. I'm going to try to write some more in the future, but it won't be very often. We'll see when the time comes, I guess.

Now, thank you very much for reading! I may continue this work and add additional one-shot chapters, but I am undecided at the moment. Please, review my work if you have any comments and constructive criticism as I would greatly enjoy to hear what you have to say. Thank you all once more!

DYFM out!


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